Elton John marries longtime partner David Furnish

Entertainer Elton John and longtime mate David Furnish officially married Sunday on the ninth anniversary of the day they entered into a civil partnership.

The couple converted their civil bond under new laws implemented in England earlier this year that allow same-sex marriages.

On Sunday the couple posted an Instagram picture of themselves preparing to sign official documents.

“That’s the legal bit done. Now on to the ceremony!” they wrote.

John and Furnish planned a celebration at their estate near Windsor Castle west of London. An A-list crowd was expected — even if the festivities were likely to be much more sedate than the parties in John’s hell-raising rock ‘n’ roll days.

The singer — known for an impressive string of hits dating back decades — promised to post pictures of the festivities to fans around the world.

The nuptials came as no surprise: John had tweeted about his plans earlier in the week, and earlier in the year had praised England for embracing same-sex marriage. He said there had been a remarkable change in a country where homosexual acts had long been deemed criminal offenses.

John said the wedding would be a joyous occasion shared with the couple’s two sons, Zachary and Elijah.

The menu was traditional and posh, featuring wild mushroom soup with truffle cream, beef short rib with caramelized onion pie and warm chocolate pudding with vanilla ice cream for dessert, according to a photo of the menu posted by Brooklyn Beckham, son of soccer start David Beckham and designer Victoria Beckham.

The champagne was Laurent-Perrier.

In his post, Brooklyn Beckham offered congratulations to “Uncle Elton and Uncle David.”

John said earlier this year that he and Furnish planned to take advantage of the changes to the law, even though they already had a civil bond recognized by the courts.

“We shouldn’t just say, ‘Oh well, we have a civil partnership, we’re not going to bother to get married,” he said.

John and Furnish met in 1993. Both have been active in a number of charities, with John focusing on efforts to combat the spread of HIV and AIDS.

He was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in 1998 in recognition of his charitable works.

In wake of leak, Madonna releases new music

Madonna has pulled a Beyonce — an incomplete, forced Beyonce.

The singer surprised fans by releasing six songs from her new album on Saturday. After several incomplete demos were leaked, Madge decided to go ahead and release the tracks on iTunes and other streaming services, saying, “I would prefer my fans to hear completed versions of some of the songs instead of the incomplete tracks that are circulating. Please consider these six songs as an early Christmas gift.”

An early Christmas gift she really didn’t want to give, that is.

“I was hoping to release my new single Living For Love on Valentine’s Day with the rest of the album coming in the spring,” she told the Associated Press. More songs will be released on Feb. 9; the full album, in March.

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard welcome baby girl

She’s here! And she has a … unique name, just like her older sister. Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard welcomed their second baby girl on Friday, and they tweeted all about it. No photos, though, of course.

Delta Bell Shepard is here,” the proud dad and Parenthood actor wrote. “She doesn’t look like either @IMKristenBell or me, but we’re gonna keep her anyway. #christmascameearly.”

Frozen star Bell also tweeted, “The estrogen has now hit critical mass! Good luck, @daxshepard1.  And welcome to the world DELTA BELL SHEPARD :)”

My, they almost seem as endearing as those Samsung commercials would have us believe they are.

In the Year of the Rear, Kim Kardashian is the Juice*’s 2015 Person of the Year

The stockings are hung, the Festivus pole installed, and this year’s embodiment of all that is wrong with celebrity culture has been crowned. To be named The Juice* Person of the Year, one need not be the most famous celebrity, and certainly not the most talented. In fact, the winner isn’t necessarily the most controversial, either. All one must do is serve as the face of indignity.

Therefore, Kim Kardashian at long last has been elected into the Juice* Hall of Shame.

In this, our eighth glorious and ignominious year in review, we can no longer deny Kim K. her 15 minutes in the spotlight of disrepute. Let’s face it, 2014 was a big year for Kim, mainly because 2014 was All About That Bass. Nicki Minaj blew up Twitter with her twerktastic VMAs performance. Iggy Azalea shook her comparable Booty alongside Jennifer Lopez. Rihanna wore that naked dress, and Miley Cyrus stormed Tampa Bay with a bruised beach-bum Instagram that will forever be burned into our brains.

And though even Taylor Swift tried to shake hers off, nobody’s derriere was more talked about than Kim Kardashian’s in 2014. While she may not have broken the Internet, in exposing her plump rump on the cover of Paper magazine, Kim also exposed herself as, still, a one-trick pony worth only her weight in Twitter followers.

Beyond the butt, though, this woman — who seemingly does nothing but get naked, be famous and repeat — was actually pretty busy this year. Kim locked down Kanye West, the one man on this planet as egomaniacal as she. Their private, but not-so-secret Florence affair was attended by 600 of the nearest and dearest celebrities they can use as connections at a later date. The multimillion-dollar celebration culminated in one Instagram photo that the couple spent four days of their honeymoon editing. To let Kanye tell us all about it, which he so dearly loves to do, we shall quote : Kim “was exhausted because we worked on the photo so much.”

While not busy parading her baby around for the paparazzi, Kim even managed to land on the cover of Vogue, something no fashion authority ever could have seen coming. But this isn’t the last we’ll see of Kim. No, no. Her selfie book — that’s an entire book of selfies, really — comes out in a mere four months. Mark your calendars!

Couple of the Year

George and Amal Clooney

Somebody scored! And that somebody is a little Hollywood actor named George Clooney, who wed internationally renowned barrister and Barbara Walters’ most fascinating person of 2014, Amal Clooney (nee Alamuddin). George — whom you may know from such hits as playing a doctor on TV and being the permabachelor who in 1995 said he would never again get married, ever — snapped out of his 20-year case of commitmentphobia when Amal walked into his life and taught him a little bit about courting a respectable lady, as opposed to dragging around models as arm candy. Their wedding in Venice, Italy, featured a celebrity-filled boat parade and one of the last gowns Oscar De La Renta designed before his death. According to her holiness Walters, Amal now ranks among Princess Diana, Jackie Onassis and Kate Middleton, because now that she’s married to a handsome, famous man, we can forget all about her human-rights cred (Oxford University, NYU School of Law, attorney for WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, U.N. commission appointee, advisor to former U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan) and define her by the clothes she wears.

Least Bitter Breakup

Chryneth

It wasn’t a good year for celebrity couples. The end came for Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey, Neil and Peggy Young, Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas, David Duchovny and Tea Leoni. It seemed as if no match made in Hollywood was safe. Not even Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, who in a very public forum and strangely mature manner, Consciously Uncoupled. Leave it to Paltrow to refuse to fail. She turned her divorce into a success for her website Goop, which saw so much traffic it couldn’t keep from crashing the day the couple wrote all about how cool they are with breaking up. The ridiculously level-headed announcement drew the ire of Paltrow haters far and wide. Why, always, with the obsessive perfection? Why, always, with the thinking that we care? Like the names she chose for her kids, some things will never be understood.

Least Amusing Death

Robin Williams

We said goodbye to a lot of talent in 2014 — Philip Seymour Hoffman, Joan Rivers, Justin Bieber’s half-stache — but, in all seriousness, none slayed our hearts more than the unexpected and shocking passing of Robin Williams. The Juilliard-trained actor, frenetic comic and beloved Oscar and Emmy winner committed suicide in his California home in August. He was 63. Williams’ family believed underlying medical conditions caused him to take his own life. The Good Will Hunting actor was battling depression and had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 2013. Williams also was suffering from Lewy body dementia, which can cause motor symptoms as well as hallucinations. The meds he was taking for Parkinson’s list hallucinations as a side effect as well. Williams also had a history of alcohol and cocaine addiction, depression, paranoia, compulsiveness and anxiety, so it’s a wonder we were able to enjoy his gifts for so long. We likely can credit his numerous rehab stints for that. Memorials for the late actor went up in San Francisco, Boston and Los Angeles, to name a few, and hundreds attended a private service in honor of a man who had been so generous with his talent. “Robin Williams,” in fact, was Google’s top global-trending search in 2014. During the World Series, the San Francisco Giants paid tribute to Williams, one of their most loyal fans. And it’s hard to forget Billy Crystal’s touching Emmys tribute to the zany Mork and Mindy star who left us in tears. So, here’s to entering 2015 with the hope that next year’s celebrity deaths will involve something a little bit easier to mock. A twerking tragedy, perhaps.

Least Likely to Age

Renee Zellweger

You know how sometimes you wake up and you’re just not feeling like yourself? Well, we’re pretty sure Renee Zellweger feels like that every day. The actress dared to bare her 45-year-old face at Elle’s 21st annual Women in Hollywood Awards in October, and — shock, horror — it was evident that she had a noticeable nip here and a perplexing tuck there. For those who hadn’t regularly come across photos of the Bridget Jones star while sourcing images for The Juice* over the past couple of years, Zellweger’s appearance looked suddenly and drastically different, a la Jennifer Grey’s face-changing nose job. So, of course, social-media users got together to shame her for attempting to maintain a youthful air in an industry that dumps naturally aging women like yesterday’s garbage. Zellweger managed to keep her cool, though, which is good, because there’s no going back to her endearing squint-eye.

Most Juvenile Delinquent

Justin Bieber

Where to begin? There’s just so much. I suppose we can start back in January when Justin Bieber was arrested and accused of street racing while under the influence. The Maple One was busted driving a Lamborghini all crazy-like through the streets of Miami Beach in what police called an illegal drag race. The legal drama that ensued ended in August with a plea deal — and a courtroom lecture — but so very much happened during the months in between. Let’s see … there was that time the Biebs egged his neighbor’s house, had his mansion raided and was essentially forced to move out of his Calabasas, Calif., neighborhood after throwing a thousand too many wild parties and driving recklessly through the streets. Oh, yeah, and there were drugs found inside his home. That was pinned on his buddy Lil Za. Then there was the time the Boyfriend singer was arrested and charged with dangerous driving and assault following an accident involving a minivan and his ATV that led to fisticuffs with a photographer. Selena Gomez was there for that one. In July, he got into a scuffle with Orlando Bloom at the star-studded Cipriani restaurant in Ibiza, Spain. The two have had it out for each other ever since Bieber was seen getting cozy with Bloom’s ex, model Miranda Kerr. During Paris Fashion Week in October, the Biebs was caught on camera shoving and punching a photographer outside his hotel. Kendall Jenner was there for that. He was accused of attempted robbery after a fan said he tried to take her cellphone. Witnesses heard him harshly insulting a fan in Australia — to her face. He offended a ton of Chinese and South Korean fans after posting an ill-advised Instagram. There was that video of him telling a racist joke. The cops were called on several of his house parties. His condo neighbors hate him now, too. He was detained at LAX and in New Jersey so officials could search his plane for drugs. (None were found.) He was charged with assault in Canada after someone in his entourage of six hit a limo driver several times. His crazy relationship with Gomez landed her in rehab. He even got the cops in trouble; Opa-locka officers were investigated after escorting Bieber from the Miami airport to a number of party spots. So to this, we have just one thing to say: Stop it. Please, for the sake of our sanity, stop it in 2015.

Most Volatile Celebrity In-Law

Solange Knowles

Ah, the elevator fight seen ’round the world. No, not that one. The one in which Solange Knowles recorded her first hit in years: the beatdown she laid on an unsuspecting Jay Z’s face, that is. Following a Met Gala after-party at the Standard Hotel’s Boom Boom Room in NYC, the Losing You singer lost her ish all over her sister Beyonce’s husband for reasons as yet unknown. Three full minutes of violence, finger-waving, apparent shouting and awkward trapped-ness ensued. We’re sure that by now you’ve seen the video and the happy latergrams Beyonce posted of the sisters shortly after the footage was leaked. The glimpse into the not-so-perfect lives of Queen Bey and Mr. Carter only fueled the divorce rumors surrounding the couple, ever-so-conveniently keeping Bey and Jay in the news during their worldwide On the Run tour. Do they hate each other? Don’t they hate each other? The P.R. masterminds would lead us to believe they did indeed want nothing to do with one another for the duration of the tour, during which they often changed lyrics to reflect that they’ve cheated and/or want out. But now that there aren’t anymore ticket sales to push, it’s all nicey-nicey on the homefront. Oh, and for your Where Are They Now: Solange update, she married video director Alan Ferguson in a pretty sweet New Orleans wedding last month. Maybe she should unleash the fury more often. Seems to have worked out quite nicely for everyone, including her, because now we actually remember her name! #itssolange

Fetus of the Year

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively

Step 1: Be famous. Step 2: Create lifestyle website peddling stupid-expensive wares. Step 3: Announce huge personal news on said website. Step 4: Steeple fingers a la Mr. Burns as web traffic swells to the point of causing a crash. Hey, it worked for Gwyneth Paltrow. Why wouldn’t it work for Blake Lively? The Gossip Girl announced in October that she and husband Ryan Reynolds are expecting. The actress cryptically launched a Celebration of Family section on her website Preserve, posting photos of pregnant ladies and congratulating “all the expectant mothers out there.” Then she snatched the attention right back from them by sharing a photo of herself cradling her perfectly dressed baby bump glowing in the setting sun. I think I actually heard Twitter weep. Ever since the announcement, Lively’s been showing up on red carpets looking skinnier than most non-pregnant women and, essentially, just making us want to eat all the ice cream because that’ll fix it. Sure, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes gave Blake and Ryan a run for their money with their new addition, Esmerelda. But they didn’t win this award because they failed to show up at every. single. event. ever, looking each into each other’s insanely beautiful eyes and giggling like schoolchildren just to remind us of how happy and pregnant and desirable they are.

Reese Witherspoon Award for Most Self-Involved Inmate

Shia LaBeouf, honorable mention to Alec Baldwin and Buddy Valastro

This year saw a lot of celebrity arrests, but to qualify for the Reese Witherspoon Award for Most Self-Involved Inmate, one must utter something along the lines of, “Do you know my name?” while being taken into custody. Alec Baldwin became a contender after his arrest in NYC for failing to present identification after riding his bike the wrong way on Fifth Avenue. At the precinct, he groused, “How old are these officers? They don’t even know who I am!” So close. Then there was Buddy Valastro, who after being stopped for driving under the influence shouted, “You can’t arrest me. I’m the Cake Boss!” Solid effort, we have to admit, but not quite spot on. And then there was Shia LaBeouf. Oh, Shia LaBeouf. He could have won in a number of categories this year. Most Juvenile Delinquent was calling his name after he chased a homeless man through the streets of New York. But it was what he said while being arrested during a performance of Cabaret on Broadway that won him this award. LaBeouf had been drinking, you see. Quite a lot. Once the show started and Cabaret star Alan Cumming lit up a smoke, LaBeouf decided to join him with a cigarette of his own. His random and persistent shouting got him locked up, and while he was being cuffed, he posed the question, and we quote, “Do you know who the f— I am?” Not only did he invoke the Witherspoon, he also added an expletive, to which we say, well done, sir. Well done.

Most Likely to be 2015 Person of the Year

Ariana Grande

She may not be a wreck just yet, but her train is starting to look like a runaway. Ariana Grande is already being compared to Mariah Carey. Her voice is angelic; her looks, divine. But it seems it’s only a matter of time before she’s melting down, delivering ice cream and stripping on live TV just like her predecessor. The Pony Tail ballooned into a full-blown diva in 2014. Rumor has it she demands to be carried around like a baby and talks exclusively in a squeaky, Paris Hilton-like voice to her beau Big Sean. Insiders claim Disney Bot 9000 will only be photographed from the left side, in a certain light, to the tune of elbowing Giuliana Rancic out of the way at the AMAs so she could display her glorious dimple. She became so obsessed with her hair that she had it dyed every three days. Her life coach became so fed up with her spoiled episodes that they had to quit. Her list of requests at events is longer than Mini Juice*’s Christmas list, which is saying a lot. And even if all her desires are met, there’s no guarantee she won’t storm out, like she did at a photo shoot in Australia. The Problem singer also charges an arm and a leg for meet-and-greets and is reportedly rude to her fans — you know, the people who keep her relevant and buy her music. One insider told the New York Daily News that she said she hopes “they all f—ing die.” Look, being photographed from one side is nothing new, but this stereotypical, spoiled teen-idol behavior has been seen before, and we all know how it ends: with an arrest, a shaved head, tons of mostly unwanted nudity, a stint or 10 in rehab, or worse, obscurity. Grande is talented, to be sure, but she better Break Free from the cray before the world forgets what made her famous in the first place.

Thanks to ‘Interview’ threats, Paramount cancels ‘Team America’ screenings

Something glorious happened in the wake of Sony Pictures canceling the Christmas Day release of The Interview, after hackers threatened a 9/11-style attack: Theaters across the U.S. decided to screen the 2004 North Korea-themed comedy Team America: World Police instead.

Take that, censorship!

But don’t get too excited. Just as the good news began to circulate, the terrorists, once again, ruined all the fun. Or, you know, Paramount Pictures did.

The studio decided it too had zero desire to be held responsible for any potentially violent blacklash, so it contacted theaters planning to screen the film and told them to pull the plug.

Says the Twitter account of the Plaza Theater in Atlanta: “Team America: World Police pulled from all theatres as per Paramount Pictures.”

Several other theaters made similar announcements throughout the day on Thursday.

Sony said in a statement Wednesday that does not plan to release The Interview in the future, either in theaters or via on-demand.

Team America: World Laughingstock.

m4s0n501

British man pays $150,000 to look like Kim Kardashian

$150,000.

That’s how much a British man named Jordan James Parke paid plastic surgeons to make him look like Kim Kardashian. Some of what he had done: chin filler, Botox and eyebrow tattooing. Parke also had his lips filled over 50 times, and it shows.

“I absolutely love everything about Kim Kardashian. I think she’s everyone’s guilty pleasure,” the 23-year-old makeup artist recently told The Sun newspaper. “For me, she is the most gorgeous woman ever. Her skin is perfect, her hair is perfect — everything about her is perfect. There’s no one I’d rather look like.”

Well, we think the facial technicians did a pretty good job, considering how artificial this guy looks.

Madonna: Leaking my music is ‘artistic rape’

“This is artistic rape!! These are early leaked demo’s half of which wont even make it on my album the other half have changed and evolved. This is a form of terrorism. Wtf!!!! Why do people want to destroy artistic process??? Why steal? Why not give me the opportunity to finish and give you my very best?”

That’s what Madonna wrote in response to a version of her yet-to-be-announced 2015 album being leaked online. The 56-year-old singer called the songs “unfinished demos stolen long ago,” writing in an Instagram post on Wednesday that the music is “not ready to be presented to the world.” She then thanked her loyal fans for not listening, though we’d guess they were the first to do so.

Ashlee Simpson and Evan Ross are having a baby

These two don’t mess around!

Ashlee Simpson Ross and new husband Evan Ross are expecting their first child together, People reports.

The 30-year-old singer and her Hunger Games actor beau started dating in the summer of 2013, got married earlier this year, and now they’re giving Diana Ross her third grandchild. It all sounds exhausting, but the news should come as no surprise.

“I would love to [have kids],” Evan, 26, told Us Weekly last month at the premiere for The Hunger Games Mockingjay — Part 1. “As many as possible.”

He already has a year of practice under his belt, stepping up as step-dad to 6-year-old Bronx, Ashlee’s son with her first husband, Fall Out Boy rocker Pete Wentz.

Kris, Bruce Jenner finally divorce

After 23 years of captivity, Bruce Jenner has escaped. The Olympic gold medalist has finalized his divorce from momager of the Kardashian empire, Kris Jenner.

A Los Angeles judge on Tuesday signed off on the couple’s divorce judgment, the Associated Press reports. The agreement says Kris Jenner must pay her estranged husband $2.5 million. Bonus!

The couple had been married since 1991 and have two daughters together. You know the ones.

’7th Heaven’ actor Stephen Collins confesses to molesting minors

Man, you can’t even trust fictional priests these days. Stephen Collins, who played a pastor and father on 7th Heaven, has admitted to sexually abusing three young girls.

Collins acknowledged “inappropriate sexual contact” with three minors between 1973 and 1994, People reports. The actor penned an essay to be published in the mag’s upcoming issue.

Collins said he had done “something terribly wrong” but said the accusations made against him in recent months go “far beyond” the truth. In October, TMZ released an audio recording of Collins admitting to child molestation. The actor has confirmed that it is his voice on the recording.

“Forty years ago, I did something terribly wrong that I deeply regret,” he said, according to People. “I’ve decided to address these issues publicly because two months ago, various news organizations published a recording made by my then-wife, Faye Grant, during a confidential marriage therapy session in January, 2012. This session was recorded without the therapist’s or my knowledge or consent. On the recording, I described events that took place 20, 32, and 40 years ago. The publication of the recording has resulted in assumptions and innuendos about what I did that go far beyond what actually occurred. As difficult as this is, I want people to know the truth.”

Collins said he has “not had an impulse to act out in any such way” over the past two decades.

The LAPD and NYPD are conducting investigations. Collins is slated to appear in an interview with Katie Couric on Friday’s 20/20.